Doppelgänger
by regalvillein
Summary: AU Dop-uhl-gang-er. Noun. A ghostly counter part of a living person. A double. An alter ego. An omen of death.
1. Prologue

_I'd remember that day, carry those memories, forever._

"_Even if it killed me."_

_I'd sworn._

_Since then, I'd like to think I've wised up a bit in terms of proclamations of outrageous promises._

_But, perhaps because it was the last promise I had ever declared, and partly due to my inherent stubbornness, it was one I intended to keep._

_Love, life, and hate seem to always go hand in hand in everything. I'm sure everyone's heard the term: "Love is fickle."_

_But, more so life._

_More so, hate._


	2. Chapter 1

_As a child, I grew up in a loving family consisting of my mother, father, brother, and sister. Each of them had someone they belonged with: mother to father, brother to sister; as the youngest there was this persistent feeling of detachment. Not that I wasn't cared for, loved, spoiled. But from that feeling of wanting to belong to someone as they did to each other, I forged the strongest bond of friendship I can remember with a child of the family that moved into my neighborhood._

* * *

"Nanoha!" A harsh whisper followed by an arm lightly gripping my shoulder and shaking. With a sigh, I shifted my body, turning around in my seat. Bright panic-filled emerald eyes gazed intently at me.

"I was having such a nice nap, too." The playful grin stretched on my face all but caused any protests of his to falter.

"_Please_, do not sleep during this lecture. I do not want to be anywhere near you if he catches you sleeping-"

"Sure. Sure." A dismissive wave; he growled slightly in response. After readjusting myself in the seat, I sank down to get myself comfortable. I hated general education classes.

It'd been about three months since I had started college and so far, it was proving to be a trying time. I decided to attend a university quite a ways from my hometown, and while my parents were willing to support my endeavor for higher education, I thought it would be better if I tried to handle as much as I could on my own. It wasn't too bad; I just couldn't really eat out, or go shopping. Basically hanging out was the bane of my existence. If I wasn't careful, one movie outing would cost me about a week's worth of food.

Since I couldn't afford to have much of a social life outside of school, most of the friends I'd managed to make were people that sat near me during lectures. Speaking of which, the young green-eyed fellow, Yuuno Scrya, I had met during a similar scenario when classes first began. I was dozing off in one of my lectures, calculus, perhaps? And he had shaken me awake, scolding me that if I got him labeled by the professor as 'that-kid-that-sits-next-to-the-sleeping-one' he'd forever haunt me. I had burst out laughing at that, which probably got him labeled as 'that-kid-next-to-the-crazy-one.'

We'd hit it off pretty quickly. Apparently it was his first year as well, and we had a whole ton of general education classes together. Basically we saw each other every day. He was nice and well-mannered, what was there not to like?

When the lecture winded down, I stuffed my notebook into my backpack and exited the hall. I waited outside patiently for Yuuno. He had a habit of talking to his professors after lectures. They probably discussed the meaning of life or some other open-ended issue with how long these conversations could go; The longest I've had to wait was about half an hour. Now, I know most people would definitely ditch their friends if they made them wait half an hour for them. I would too. But really, I used it as an excuse, and only for this class. Because I knew I'd see _her_ if I did.

She either had a class at the same time as me and was just getting out or was on her way to one that was after mine, but either way, she always walked passed this spot. On cue, her and a group of her friends turned the corner, talking about god knows what. All I saw was the soft porcelain skin. Silky blond hair. That quiet, sad smile. And I was reliving it all.

My eyes were shut tightly, willing the memory to go away. No matter how many years passed, that feeling remained. The searing hot pain, the dread in the pit of my stomach, the clench in my chest. My knees buckled, but luckily I was close enough to the wall that I could use it for support. Deep breaths. A gulp of air. Wait. Exhale. Repeat.

It had been three months since I had started college; three months of new environments, new people, and new classes. But it had also been three months of her. Constantly there, just out of reach. Reminding me. Forever. I had promised, forever. And it made me want to curl up and die. Cry.

A sigh. My fingers pinched the bridge of my nose in irritation.

"Hey!" A light pat on the shoulder jolted me back to reality. "Sorry that took so long." I gave Yuuno a reassuring smile.

"No worries. Now how about some lunch?"

* * *

_In one word, she was perfect. Her hair was the silkiest golden I have ever seen, flowing down to her waist; There was always an irresistible urge to run my fingers through it. Her flawless porcelain skin and dainty triangular face almost seemed as if it would break if touched, but her rough-housing and adventurous behavior proved otherwise. More brilliant were her wine red eyes that flashed with mirth: absolutely entrancing. She had the sweetest smile; it was positively contagious. All the adults and parents melted in her hands when she beamed up at them. Every wish was her command. Even I wasn't much better when she flashed me her mischievous grin. We had our fair share of risky adventures from climbing trees to wandering the woods close to midnight. Our parents went pretty much ballistic scolding us when we returned, but a smile from her would calm them down, as it always did._

* * *

The library was one of my favorite places to be. The university had three different ones: the graduate library was of decent size and was perhaps the most serious and library-like in its atmosphere; the undergraduate library was the largest in size, considered the main branch, and held most of the collection of books owned by the school. It was normally quite crowded because of the amount of students that would hole themselves inside. The smallest library was the archives, which, as its name suggested, held all the archives of the school. In a word, it was dead. Not many students in general trafficked the building because it was set up more like a museum to display notable events in the history of the university, rather than an actual library. It would probably be an exaggeration to say that there were 5 meeting-sized tables in that library, and nothing could be checked-out. I loved the archives though; it was a great place to just relax. I'd learned about the place while I was wandering around the campus the first week of classes.

There was this nice window seat in the back of the library I liked to perch myself on. Usually, I'd doze off comfortably and the janitor or some library aid would come to wake me up at closing hours, which was around early afternoon; today was no different.

* * *

_I loved hanging out with her; I loved her. She was my best friend._

* * *

A gentle shaking of my shoulder roused me from my nap. I blinked a couple times before rubbing my eyes tiredly.

"Have a nice nap?" A soft chuckle; my neck snapped violently at that voice. "Sorry, I'm going to have to kick you out. I have to close up the place." It was there, that gentle lilt when she spoke. She had the same long, smooth, well-kept blond locks I always wanted to touch. And the fragile-like skin. just like I remembered. Imagined. But most of all, her eyes. Blood red. Beautiful. Brilliant. They were exactly as I dreamed they'd be if I ever saw her again.

"I-" My mouth refused to work. Here I was, in front of her, and I couldn't even speak! Instead, I probably looked like some fish out of water with huge, round eyes. My arm, of its own accord, reached for her pale skin. Her eyes questioned me, intently locked onto my own.

"Alicia..." I trailed off, touching her face, gently.

* * *

_My smile dropped as I touched her cheek: cold. And screamed._

* * *

Her own touch encompassed mine, giving an encouraging squeeze before removing my hand.

A sad broken smile. "She died, remember?"

And with those simple words, it was back. As if she had taken a hold of my heart and crushed it mercilessly. I gripped her wrist, that same one, and squeezed. Tightly, but not painfully.

* * *

_She tensed as I gripped her arm and twisted her violently away from the casket. A growl erupted from the back of my throat. My hands were around her neck, squeezing._

* * *

For a long time, all I could hear was the beating of my chest. Erratic. Fast. All I could feel was the limp arm I held.

Then, "I really do have to lock up." With that, she removed her arm from my hold and turned to leave, but I quickly got up and tugged her blouse. Like a kid. She paused, looking back at me before letting out a long, quiet sigh.

I trailed after her as she checked all the windows, turned off all the electronics, and locked up all the doors and cabinets. I felt ridiculous, like some sort of sad puppy who really wanted some attention. My hand had yet to release her shirt. If anything, it only tightened when she tried asking me a question. Any question. So at some point, she had just stopped trying, and I continued to follow her silently.

* * *

_Before I even really understood what we were doing, Alicia had dragged me into her house. It was an extravagant building. Even I understood as a child that any building called a 'house' that had three floors and more than ten bedrooms was a big deal. Her house was huge. Usually when we played indoors, we stayed on the first floor. But now, she was dragging me off to the second floor, and then we were climbing up to the third. By the time we reached the top of the stairs, we were both panting to catch our breath. The excitement that I had seen in her eyes was perhaps tenfold of what it was earlier. I caught my breath a minute or so later, so I waited for my friend's breathing to settle down. After a couple minutes she gave me another grin._

"_Let's go!" And pulled me forward._

_The door that she chose to approach looked like all the other doors in the hallway: normal; ordinary. As she got closer, a finger held in front of her mouth and a 'shush' told me all I needed to know: this was it. With bated breath, the door swung open with a slight creak. The first thing I noticed was the constant beeping, like those found in hospitals. Other than that, there was nothing. The blinds were closed, there was no light, no wind. The air was stagnant. The whole room seemed foul. And then, a flicker of crimson. Two blood red eyes staring straight at me, then shifted towards my friend. All I remember was the slam that echoed, the feel of cold copper against my skin, my knuckles white from the amount of strength in my grip, and that horrible horrible dread in my stomach._

* * *

She carefully handed a cup of hot chocolate to me, sitting next to me on her couch. Apparently I had followed her back to her apartment. She took a slow drink of her beverage before placing it on the coffee table.

"So. It's been, what. Ten years?" Her eyes staring intently at me, I know, yet refuse to look at anything but the hot chocolate cradled in my lap. "Think it's high time you told me your name." I take a sip of the drink, slightly scalding my tongue, but I hold in the whimper.

"Nanoha Takamachi." My voice almost a whisper. She hummed in reply, adding nothing else to the suffocating silence. I took a deep breath, willing myself to calm down. "Have you ever heard of a doppelganger?" Her head snapped sharply at that.

* * *

"_Wanna meet my evil half? She's totally harmless." _

* * *

She hummed thoughtfully, relaxing back into the couch, and taking another gulp of her steaming drink.

"Is that why..." Her question trailed off; her voice somewhat bemused.

* * *

_You should be dead! Not. Her. You!" I spat._

* * *

"I know it's not your fault. Or anyone's. I _know_ that. But I just.-" My fingers were shaking almost uncontrollably. She pulled the cup out of my vice-like grip and placed it on the table. My eyes found hers. They really were...beautiful. "It's just that I met _you_ the day before she died." A hoarse whisper. "And Alicia. She said. That you-" I could feel the hot tears beginning to fall; it was getting harder to speak.

* * *

"_I hate you. I'll hate you. More than anyone else in the world. Forever." I had promised._

* * *

She pulled me into an embrace. Warm, comforting. It was hard to resist. A sadness, pulsating painfully, from I can't remember when released within me, and I buried myself into her. Crying my heart out. Her hands ran soothingly up and down my back.

"I." A deep breath. "I don't even know _your_ name." The statement barely choked out of my throat. She took her time to reply, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Fate." Her voice was different: gentle, calming; it made me want to melt into her. My grip on her shirt tightened.

"I _hate_ you." A breathy whisper as I nuzzled her neck. I could feel the soft smile on her face and the slight nod she gave.

"Mmm. More than anyone else in the world. I know." And my heart clenched; it hurt so much, but I didn't want to let go of her. This. I never wanted to forget this.

I hated this feeling. What she did to me. I hated her.

I didn't _want_ to, but I had promised her _forever._

* * *

**a/n:** yes, yes, I know. I suck. I am sorry for not updating my other story and instead doing this random thing. I've been in a pretty horrible mood lately, so I was actually trying for something depressing, but I dunno. It seems whatever I write turns to fluff. Basically, any continuation of this will be plot-less fluff. Hopefully the grammar is a bit better than msp, which makes me cringe when I reread it. So for those of you that are grammar sticklers, hopefully this is less like a sledgehammer to the brain and more like... a fan.


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